So, I got another letter from childfund thanking me once more for my contribution and urging me to write to the kid. What? How dare they? I mean, I am fucking working, busting my ass, two hours a week in order to send that money and I have to be the first one to write to him? "When you write to the kid and let him know a little about you, you make him more comfortable and more likely to write back"...How fucking dare they? What am I prepping this kid for a future date?
Even though it takes me like no effort to earn the measly $30 a month to send to this kid, I still feel like I am owed. Or do I? I mean technically, if I take in to account that (the country I am residing in) is financially-raping all the Latino-American countries and which directly contributes to the fact that they are poor and the reason that this kid needs money, maybe I owe him. Like half my pay, but fuck that, we're not doing that. Ill just write him the freaking letter:
"Dear insert-name-here
I am sorry that the shitty conditions you must live in are the direct result of my oppressing country holding some kind of monopoly on the goods that are produced by your country. Really, it's all standard procedure, stronger country fucks over weaker country, normal biology kid, kill or be killed. None cares about you but your mommy. Here is an extra $400, maybe with that you can afford an automatic AK-47 and start your own drug cartel in the next few years. I would suggest taking out your dad first, he will just stand in the way of your dreams and he is obviously a useless provider and another mouth to feed in the household. If you are too emotionally attached to him to kill him, shoot him in the penis so he won't make more kids that he can't take care off. Anyway, I know that is a lot for a four year old to stomach right now, just trust me on this (I am obviously from the land that's favored by god, so I know), get that kalashnikov and start practicing, you'll thank me later.
A little bit about me. I like beer. Come to think of it, I think each time I go out I spend like twice the amount that I send you, on beer per night. I also go out on dates (sometimes). Mostly with whores. Now, I doubt that you know what a whore is and I should explain it to you. It's just a woman, that has too much love to give, so she shares it around. Really, they are humanitarians. A kalashnikov will probably get you many whores, they like big guns. I also watch soccer and movies sometimes, but only because a whore is unavailable to hang out in that particular moment or not enough time has passed since last time I drank beer. You should probably watch the movie Godfather, it will help you run your cartel later on.
Well, until next letter and hope you write back."
I'm sure I'll think of something better, this is obviously a joke...
10/3/11
Intoxicated Sponsoring of Kids
I got a kid. Well, I got to sponsor a kid through Childfund. I saw their commercial while heavily intoxicated. I was in a state of euphoria, and felt i needed to share the love from my pockets (and loaded mind). When I sobered up, I was still fine with the idea. I am pretty sure I've spent more on pot than I ever will on this kid anyway.
They give you an option to pick a kid, but when I called, I just told them to pick for me. How do I choose anyway? I mean, what, once they tell me the conditions that a certain kid is living in, am I supposed to be like; "Hmmm, is there maybe a poorer kid than that?" or "that's not an area I particularly like, let that kid starve, Ill choose one from a place I'd like to visit."
They also told me that the kid would write to me every once in a while. He is four years old, he is too young to have a normal conversation. I guess, I'll write back if he writes to me first, but otherwise I don't see the point.
They sent me a pic of the kid in the brochure. I didn't really want to see the pic either. It's not because I particularly didn't want to see what this kid looks like. It's just that, I knew he would look all sad, and neglected purposely. A smart charity organization would want to present a poor kid at his worst.
I got a little identification card with the kids name and pic that you can carry around in your wallet and show your friends. It seems pretty cheesy. However, I guess it's something to whip out on a date "accidentally". Women are impressed by sponsors. One, it tells you have money. Two, you are a caring giver. And, if you are running out of conversation, this is a great saver. Maybe, just maybe you can also show it to a policeman if you are being pulled over for speeding and he'll let you go.
License and registration!
Why, officer I am in a hurry to help children (then show kid's ID).
Alright, go on your way good sir, saver of children, hero of mankind!
Reading over the last paragraph I've written, it seems like I am selling Childfund pretty good. It's unintentional really.
I've heard some people say that contributing to charities that feed the poor only helps make more poor people without improving their bad living conditions. That, we should stop helping those in need and let them die off. However, I wonder if they would think the same if they found them selves in the same poor situation as those in need.
I've heard about some other charity organizations and it seems like they sue each other for the exclusive right to help others. It's pretty ironic that they are a charity organization and they are wasting time and money in order to hold a monopoly on poor/sick people. Sounds like regular business to me. Maybe I should start my own charity organization and sue others charity organizations. The point is, these organizations need to be investigated before committing to one. Which is totally not what I did. I only did a little bit of research after wards.
I haven't heard anything bad about Charityfund so far. However, the community organization with which Charityfund is cooperating in order to allocate the money properly in that particular area, is nowhere to be found on the internet. Meaning, I can't find the organizations website nor any info on them. But, anyway, fuck it...hope this kid gets my money.
They give you an option to pick a kid, but when I called, I just told them to pick for me. How do I choose anyway? I mean, what, once they tell me the conditions that a certain kid is living in, am I supposed to be like; "Hmmm, is there maybe a poorer kid than that?" or "that's not an area I particularly like, let that kid starve, Ill choose one from a place I'd like to visit."
They also told me that the kid would write to me every once in a while. He is four years old, he is too young to have a normal conversation. I guess, I'll write back if he writes to me first, but otherwise I don't see the point.
They sent me a pic of the kid in the brochure. I didn't really want to see the pic either. It's not because I particularly didn't want to see what this kid looks like. It's just that, I knew he would look all sad, and neglected purposely. A smart charity organization would want to present a poor kid at his worst.
I got a little identification card with the kids name and pic that you can carry around in your wallet and show your friends. It seems pretty cheesy. However, I guess it's something to whip out on a date "accidentally". Women are impressed by sponsors. One, it tells you have money. Two, you are a caring giver. And, if you are running out of conversation, this is a great saver. Maybe, just maybe you can also show it to a policeman if you are being pulled over for speeding and he'll let you go.
License and registration!
Why, officer I am in a hurry to help children (then show kid's ID).
Alright, go on your way good sir, saver of children, hero of mankind!
Reading over the last paragraph I've written, it seems like I am selling Childfund pretty good. It's unintentional really.
I've heard some people say that contributing to charities that feed the poor only helps make more poor people without improving their bad living conditions. That, we should stop helping those in need and let them die off. However, I wonder if they would think the same if they found them selves in the same poor situation as those in need.
I've heard about some other charity organizations and it seems like they sue each other for the exclusive right to help others. It's pretty ironic that they are a charity organization and they are wasting time and money in order to hold a monopoly on poor/sick people. Sounds like regular business to me. Maybe I should start my own charity organization and sue others charity organizations. The point is, these organizations need to be investigated before committing to one. Which is totally not what I did. I only did a little bit of research after wards.
I haven't heard anything bad about Charityfund so far. However, the community organization with which Charityfund is cooperating in order to allocate the money properly in that particular area, is nowhere to be found on the internet. Meaning, I can't find the organizations website nor any info on them. But, anyway, fuck it...hope this kid gets my money.
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